Kongzi–Don’t Call it a Comeback

Once again I am hearing about Kongzi (that is Confucius for all you who have yet to learn Chinese, the language your grandchildren will call their “mother tongue”). Here he is after one of his countless Duke of Zhou rants:

Kongzi

Notice the buckteeth. Good look for him, huh?

Anyway, once again my Chinese brothers and sisters are turning to Kongzi to give their lives meaning. Seems some chick (a chick!) wrote a book about how Kongzi has so much to teach us. What a joke. Now, Kongzi was not as big of a sexist as some make him out to be. It was my boy Zhu Xi who really put women in their place. That place, BTW, is nei–leave the wai to us men. Still, I have to believe that Kongzi would agree that women authors should stick with cookbooks. One of my wives thinks that I am just hating. Yeah, you know what? It does hurt that this chick has a best seller while my masterpiece, Yan Xishan: Using Warlord Wisdom to Achieve Personal Perfection in Ten Steps has yet to break into double digit sales.

But really, I am just not into Kongzi. He is always going on and on about correct ritual practice. Clear case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)–this fool needs serious medication. As my subjects know, I am more of a freewheeling, boozing, gambling, whoring type of leader. Until Kongzi develops the correct ritual practice for doing shots of fenjiu with Mongolian hookers, he can stay the hell out of my HQ.

YXS

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8 Responses to Kongzi–Don’t Call it a Comeback

  1. consi says:

    yay full ack to you ;)

    confucius was a sexually frustrated womanhater and managed to fuck up china for centuries with his teachings!

    greets

    P.S. hehe well i doubt that my grandchildren will call chinese as their mothertongue…if the situation will come to a point where there is danger that this might happen i guess hmm there will be some events in this world that will make sure there are no grandchildren left…or anything else that is more complex than a cockroach :D

  2. SanGe says:

    No, Confucius did not hate women. He saw them as important parts of family system.

  3. [...] Now Confucius-lovers like that crazy woman Yu Dan are probably plotting my execution. At least when the deed is done they will carry out the funeral rites in a manner that can only be described as perfect. Here is what I said back then: [...]

  4. [...] Now Confucius-lovers like that crazy woman Yu Dan are probably plotting my execution. At least when the deed is done they will carry out the funeral rites in a manner that can only be described as perfect. Here is what I said back then: [...]

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