As loyal readers of my old blog know, I have long been locked in a power struggle over my native Shanxi with two evil forces: the Commies and the forces of Jiang Jieshi. I would repeat our past struggles, but time moves on.
I recently had to dispatch a Pinko Journalist to the great Shanxi in the Sky. Had a great time doing it too, using my patented Hay Chopper Chop. (Not even Randy Macho Man Savage would stand a chance. Even Andre the Giant’s thick neck would be severed like a stalk of gaoliang) So, end of problem, right? Turns out this loser was just the tool of his fatty girlfriend, Ding Ling. Seems Ding “A” Ling has been attacking me from her hideout in Yan’an, calling me a “counterrevolutionary” and “feudal.” Like the fact that I have nine wives proves anything.
The worst part is, I am the true revolutionary. I traveled to Japan in 1904 to study military theory, and the next year I joined the Tongmenghui with none other than Sun Yat-sen. We were committed to overthrowing the Qing Dynasty, and guess what fatso, we did it! Well, I did it… good ol’ Sun was “conveniently” on a train in Colorado when the shizznit hit the fan. Afterwards I took control over Shanxi, and have been implementing the Revolution, YXS syle.
So until you have overthrown a centuries old imperial system, STFU. Those of us who have, represent!