Hola My Loyal Readers,
Wow, seems like ages since I had a chance to check with y’all and drop the 411 on my ever notorious exploits in saving China from the clutches of the Japs, Pinkos, and the straight-up whipped (that’s right I am talking to you Jiang Jieshi). As most of you surely know, I was on campaign, although not much real fighting was done. I mostly chilled out in Chongqing, eating hotpot and discussing strategy with fellow warlords and various KMT “generals.”
One of the generals there was from down south, and damn I couldn’t understand a word this fool was trying to say. He was blabbing on and on about something (I later learned it was some fool idea about eating something besides hotpot that night) until I just could not take it anymore. I finally grabbed him by the collar, bitch slapped him, and yelled “CHINESE, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!?!?!”
He attempted to reply “shi” but it came out in that Southern pussified manner of “si.” That just pissed me off more, and I ordered my personal guards to take the fool into custody. Once we got back to Shanxi I introduced to the Hay Chopper.
The whole thing got me thinking, once I reunify China, I am going to wipe out all these punk dialects. How can a country survive when people are talking like that? The whole country will learn to speak our wonderful Shanxi version of Chinese. Being on the plains, pretty much all the Northerners can understand us. I remember my first time in Beijing, on my way to military school in Japan, I had no communication problems. Well, there was that one time my female companion for the evening did not understand what I meant by a “zang san-che-ze” but this was more of a conceptual problem, not a language one. I had to pay a bit extra for that one, but let me tell ya, you should have seen the look on her face.
Well, I should rest up after my trip, holla at y’all later.