Dear Loyal Readers,
Alas, it has been some time now since I have had time to update my blog and let you know how my quest to tighten my grip on Shanxi goes. Well, now that I do have the time, the news is not good. How bad is it? Well, I had to be evacuated to the US by my American military advisors!
So as I sit here (not even sure where I am, all I know is that I am somewhere near a so-called “Montana”) missing my fenjiu and donkey bings, I thought I would let you all know what went wrong. No surprise it was the JPA that caused all these problems.
Turns out that the JPA and thier awesome outfits pissed off Madame Jiang Jieshi. She is a jealous hater. She organized her own milita, but instead of dressing them in “Juicy” pants, she chose to cover her girls in “Ambercrobie and Fitch” gear. It was not long before the “Girls who wear Ambercrombie and Fitch” (as they were known) were marching on my stronghold in Taiyuan.
Desperate, I called on the JPA to defend me and the honor of Shanxi. But the girls were caught unprepared–they just had an epic hotpot feast and all were suffering from a serious case of laduzi. They were overrun and I was forced to flee. Oh, how I hate “Girls who wear Ambercrombie and Fitch”!!!
Well, my advisors promise me that I will return to Shanxi in victory. In the meantime they are taking me out to introduce me to “cheeseburgers and beer.” Hopefully they will not suck.
So until my return, whenever that will be, I must take my leave. Solider on my dear readers.