Top Ten Chinese Thinkers: #8 Xunzi

As the Warring States came to a close, two kingdoms faced off over who would rule a unified China. Qi or Qin–which would it be? In one of these kingdoms, a wandering statesman helped seal the fate of China. This statesman is our #8 Chinese thinker.


Xunzi, aka Hsün Tzu

First up: Xunzi is a Confucian. One huge strike against him. But what makes Xunzi special is his this–he was one of the first to see mankind as it truly is: inherently evil. Just look at his portrait, you know he is thinking evil thoughts–probably involving Han Feizi’s third and sixth wives, some baijiu, and a tub of zhimayou. Xunzi thought people were born with a love for profit and sensual desires. I know he was correct, as this very much describes me. I mean, is there a better way to spend a weekend than drinking, whoring, and gambling? If you had to choose one Chinese philosopher to plan your bachelor party, it would be Xunzi. He is the kind of guy who, if things got out of hand, would help you bury the hooker. Compare this with Mencius, who has so many mommy issues he cannot even get a lap dance without bursting into tears.

So what is not to like? Well, Xunzi served at the court of Qi. And if you know your Chinese history (Spoiler Alert!) it was the state of Qin that unified China. So not only did Xunzi back a loser, in failing to stop Qinshi Huangdi he gave hope to countless other losers who get off on the idea of being the “Great Unifier.” I must say I find this damn annoying–you cannot imagine how many people are interfering with my goal of bringing China under Yan Xishan rule.


1. Saw people for what they were–low down, nasty, perverted, egomaniacs.

2. Go-to-guy for bachelor parties


1. A follower, content to muddle along behind Confucius

2. In the geopolitical world of the Waring States, a loser

Xunzi, if you had only reversed the tide of history and helped create a unified Qi dynasty, you might be higher on the list, but as it stands be happy at #8. Or, be true to your nature and be angry and jealous, then work off that anger through sex and/or violence.

7 Responses to Top Ten Chinese Thinkers: #8 Xunzi

  1. Eric says:

    Yet another guy I never heard of. This is getting oddly educational.

  2. JM says:

    I would not worry too much about getting educated here.

  3. […] philosophers, the one that inspire deep reverence on my part. You might recall in our previous discussion of Xunzi, that while he was a genius–one of the first to see humans as inherently evil–he sided […]

  4. DWR says:

    Good work! The old boy would be proud…


  5. Yan Xishan says:

    Well, DWR, thanks for the support.

  6. Anonymous says:

    do i know what do smaller countries stand for ?

    what a well frog, have i even tasted sea water ? Because i are ignorant as f***!

  7. goverment says:

    thanx for all the info for my peroject bye

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: