Time to get back to business–the top ten Chinese thinkers list continues. Been getting a lot of feedback on the list, although not all of my readers have been contributing to the discussion. Many of you are loyal readers, but others stumble upon my site after Googling “Mongolian teenage hookers.” I encourage both groups to bring something to the table–you are all my soldiers, and a good warlord takes care of his men.
Speaking of which, taking care of his men is something that the #7 all-time Chinese thinker also does, although we go about it in different ways. I ensure my soldiers have plenty of booze and loot, while he gives his men plenty of reading material and 5% ownership of a communal wife. That is right, I am talking about this highly airbrushed guy:
Given the choice, you would think that any peasant with half of a brain would choose the loot and booze over an extended study session and a night with a communal wife every twenty days, but here is where Mao shows his genius: he offers his men the “wife lottery,” in that if the so-called “revolution” succeeds, there is a chance they could be sharing one of my many wives! Brilliant!
Throughout his career Mao has shown a capability for “outside the box” thinking. Take his idea of class warfare–Mao is a rich peasant! I could never have conjured the idea of turning on my own class, subjecting them to humiliating struggle and taking away their property. I guess that is why some have dubbed Mao “the dreamer.”
I am also a fan of Mao’s leadership style. Much like myself, he is not afraid of putting a subordinate in line or taking a few extra perks. Although what is up with the endless sleeping pills Mao? Ever even heard of fenjiu? And then there are the ladies. Here Mao cracks me up–he keeps on telling me that having nine wives is feudal, but what am I supposed to do? I guess I lack his ability to get my wives executed in a timely manner so I can get remarried. And don’t get me started on his new wife, Jiang Qing. The last I heard she was organizing an all-peasant stage production of Gone With the Wind. If he is smart he will accidentally “leave her behind” during my next mopping up campaign so that I can give her the patented “Shanxi Hay Chopper Chop.” If it was good enough for Liu Hulan, I am sure it is good enough for her.
1. Outside the box thinking in biting the hand that fed him
2. Genius in promoting the hope of sleeping with my wives
3. Ahead of his time in treating his VD by sleeping with more peasants
1. Good chance he is stealing his ideas from Chen Boda
2. Latest choice of wives is “problematic”
3. Gave VD to four of my six favorite Changsha sex workers
To be honest it is the last con that really burns me. Well, the burning has stopped, but you get the idea.