Who the hell is running this place?

Loyal Readers,

You ever feel like the whole world has gone crazy, except for you? Ever felt that you are the only point of sanity in a world gone mad, which makes you look like you are the crazy one? That is what I am going through. My quest to contact Beiping’s current ruling warlord is getting nowhere. People here just don’t seem to understand me–and I know it is not my Shanxi accent. They certainly know what I want when I am ordering up my kaoya or an Sunday afternoon handjob in the local barbershop. But once I ask about which warlord is currently ruling over Beiping, as well as how I can find him, everyone looks at me like I am crazy.

This is only the tip of the crazy iceberg here in Beiping. A few nights ago I traveled with one of my military counsels to a local watering hole frequented by foreigners. Not my style–I would much prefer to relax with a bottle of fenjiu while listening to a quick five-hour qinqiang opera. These crazy foreigners were wasted, dancing on the tables and taking pictures of themselves–you can probably find them on flickr. All the meanwhile, there is a war going on! They better hope the Commies don’t take Beiping, or there will be hell to pay. Maybe they can look at thier drunken photos while reforming themselves through labor.

The worst part is that I ended going to get some jiaozi with some of these fools. After we ordered our food, they demanded that their food be MSG free. Yeah, because after drinking 40 beers and sucking down two packs of cheap-ass counterfeit smokes, you certainly don’t want any MSG. That would kill you!

Anyway, once I get back in power things will change, let me assure you.



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