My dear Loyalists,
Yes, it is true, I have yet to return to my beloved Shanxi. How my subjects must be suffering under the rule of the Mao Zedong and his motley band of wife-sharers. Fear not, I will return!
In the meantime I am stuck in the Tibetan highlands, attempting to rally an army. It has been slow going–it seems these Tibetans don’t speak Chinese. To make matters worse, they want nothing to do with me or my Han brothers and sisters. That much was made clear to me during my meeting with the 13th Dalai Lama. I snapped this photo of him:
After serving me the most horrid concoction of yak butter tea, he informed me that Tibet has enjoyed de-facto independence since the collapse of the Qing Dynasty, and they intended on maintaining that independence.
A few things struck me after this meeting. First, Tibet seriously needs to learn how to make a G&T–beverage-wise, they surely are one of the most backward peoples around. I have yet to see a single ice cube! Second, not once did His Holiness thank me for my part in bringing down the Qing and thus helping free his peoples. Finally, I had heard that despite his pledge of independence, His Holiness had bowed to the wishes of the monasteries and canceled the modernization of the Tibetan army, which they saw as too expensive and a threat to their traditional powers. Once I reunify China under my rule, how are they going to stop me from invading? But the beautiful thing about reincarnation is that future Dalai Lamas cannot complain–all I have to say to Dalai Lama #14 and his heirs is, hey, you were the one that disbanded the army!
Still, I do wonder if I will bother to invade. Not really a big fan of the yak. Plus, the Tibetan people have a certain individuality that I would like to see preserved. It is not every minzu that can say “Hey, you know what? Screw vegetables. Lets move to 5000m above sea level and subsist on yak, and yak alone.”