My Loyal Readers,
Some time ago I told you about the formation of a new code of philosophy, Shanzhuyi (山主义) or Shanism. You can read the initial announcement here.
This exciting new philosophy promises to teach the people of the world to achieve personal enlightenment and total power in their daily affairs. For the peasants among you, this will mean the ability to keep your half-starving and always complaining wife in check; for the warlords among you, this will mean the ability to emulate the Model Governor himself, Yan Xishan. With the world in such chaos, who among you can say that the stability and power that I represent is not that greatest of all models? That is what I thought.
Now, I have been working on my opus, a text that would lay all of my ideas out in full detail. But this method of transmitting my ideas is seeming less ideal by the day. For one, it is taking too long and I know some of you, barely holding on to your pathetic plot of dirt, cannot wait much longer. Plus, I just saw an advance copy of Jiang Jieshi’s China’s Destiny, and oh my it was a piece of shit. Best to keep this informal and on the web until I have it perfected.
So instead of releasing the whole opus at once, I have decided to release the Commandments of Shanzhuyi, although they will be in no particular order. Without further ado:
Shanzhuyi Commandment #13: Warlords must choose their role models with utmost caution!
Gloss: Sometimes you look up to a great figure and try to model your whole world after him. Then the truth comes out and everything comes crashing down. For example, I once idolized this dude:
For those of you who have been living under a rock, this is the Meiji Emperor of Japan. Now, he kicked the bucket right about time I was rising up in the world, but he seemed to me to be the perfect role model. Here was a man that drank hard (pounded sake all day), played hard (had 200 women waiting on him night and day), and reformed hard (oversaw the transformation of his empire from backwater sushi joint to making Russia look like Poland).
And so for a time the Meiji Emperor was one of my personal heroes. How embarrassing this is now… and no, not because his empire has overrun East China. As I have stated before, that is a mere inconvenience in my path to total world domination. No, it is embarrassing because certain facts have come to light. First, the Meiji Emperor was a mere puppet–he had nothing to do with the Meiji Restoration. But even more damaging, the emperor’s grandfather let it be known that this “great ruler” was haunted by dreams of an evil monkey. I shit you not. What kind of role model is that?
Confused about proper role models? Check out this list. In the meantime, ponder the above while you plow fields/execute radicals.