Friends, Followers, and Fanboys:
This past few weeks some of you have been writing me for advice–and why not? If you need to turn to someone, it makes sense to make it the Model Governor myself, and I am used to many of you seeking me out to help you with your various problems, even if it means taking time out of my daily routine of boozing, whoring, and finding new ways to infuriate the various Song sisters. So I am thus putting aside my current project–getting Song Ailing to invest big bucks in the “Taiyuan Lake Housing Development Project”–to address a concern of many of my readers. Namely, how does one succeed in today’s China?
This is a serious question, especially given all the turmoil in today’s China. Armed conflicts, ideological disputes, natural disasters, and totalitarian leaders; the path to the top is rocky indeed. That was true for me, and it is still true for you young bucks fighting for your first Mexican silver dollar. Thus I present to you, the patented Yan Xishan three step process to succeed in today’s China:
1. Let someone else do the hard work.
2. Steal everything you can from them.
This my friends is the Chinese way of career success. It was true for Jiang Jieshi, who watched Sun Zhongshan and the Comintern build up the KMT, then took that shit over once Sun died, leaving him in charge of the Northern Expedition. And this is not just a strategy for world leaders (hey, if FDR is going to pretend Jiang Jieshi is a Great Leader, I can too!). As my gemen’r Boyce noted a while back, it works for the owners of booze-holes in Beiping. And it just happened again in that fine city, with the creators of the magazine “that’s Beiping” being forced out by their publisher, who will now publish their own version of “that’s,” profiting on all the work done by the folks they just screwed over.
So what do we learn from all of this? First, never start anything by yourself. It is a lot of hard work! Perhaps the stress might kill you–look what happened to that old fool Sun Zhongshan. You might spend all of your time getting girls drunk and ready for their foreign hookups, like the bartenders at the former Shooters. Hell, you might spend all of your time policing an increasingly mindless online forum.
No, instead of doing the hard work, might I instead suggest taking an secondary, behind the scenes role? And thus just wait until you can steal everything, claim it as your own, and coast your way to the top? Listen kids, it is your choice, just don’t say I never warned you.
PS: To get a feel of the old Shooters, look here. Just be ready to feel really dirty. Here is a preview of what awaits, complete with a future JPA buck private: