This Shanzhai Shit is Getting Out of Hand

Loyal Readers:

Once again I must take off my warlord hat and put on the refined headgear of your informed social commentator.  Why, you ask?  Because this shanzhai shit is getting out of hand.  Oh, you probably figured that out from the title of this post.

First, what is shanzhai?  Shit, if you do not know, you may be beyond help.  Shanzhai literally means “mountain fortress” but thanks to the intertube world is now used to refer to knock-off goods, and can also be translated into the American slang term “ghetto.”  BTW, if you are not familiar with this word, you must be living in a cave.  A dank, stinky, Yan’an cave filled with wife sharing, pill-popping, yangge-dancing dumb-ass peasants.

Secondly, how do we know that the shanzhai craze has gotten out of hand?  My first clue was the fact that during a recent Chinese autoshow, half the cars were knockoffs of Western models.  Here is one example:

shanzhai-mini

Looks vaguely familiar, no?

My second clue was when the New York Times, the “Grey Lady” herself, starting talking about how shanzhai China has become:

Technological advances have allowed hundreds of small Chinese companies, some with as few as 10 employees, to churn out what are known here as shanzhai, or black market, cellphones, often for as little as $20 apiece.

Although shanzhai phones have only been around a few years, they already account for more than 20 percent of sales in China, which is the world’s biggest mobile phone market, according to the research firm Gartner.

Now, we all know that the NY Times is a tool in the Jiang Jieshi and Guomindang machine, so for them to call out China, in the middle of a fucking war, says something.  BTW, what the fuck is a cellphone?  I digress.  Did I mention the shanzhai soy sauce made from human hair?

Now, many of you may be wondering why I care so much about this shanzhai shit.  Well, let me level with you.  Yan Xishan has been holding down Shanxi for decades.  As I stated before, I am the real revolutionary.  I helped bring down the damn Qing dynasty!  But with this shanzhai shit, I fear in the future my memory will be overshadowed by some shanzhai revolutionary.  Sun Yat-sen, Jiang Jieshi, even (gasp) that infamous peasant fucker Zhu De.  I thus call on my Chinese brothers and sisters, let us be a little less ghetto, a little less nongcun, and a bit more Taiyuan.

YXS

4 Responses to This Shanzhai Shit is Getting Out of Hand

  1. Galifan says:

    What does it mean to be “more Taiyuan”?

  2. James says:

    Ha, less shanzhai and more Taiyuan…assuming my geographic knowledge of Shanxi is still intact after this afternoon’s Tsingtao session, is that not akin to being less ghetto, but more Detroit? Less hipster, more Williamsburg? Less commie, more aimless wandering in rural Chinese interior? Ok too much thinking…time for another Tsingtao.

  3. A Beijing Ren says:

    I think being “more Taiyuan” means having your lungs more coated with nasty coal smoke.

  4. Yan Xishan says:

    When someone from Beijing says your air quality sucks, you know you have a problem.

    James, your hipster knowledge is quite impressive. Speaking of Williamsburg, I am currently drinking some fancypants special brew from Brooklyn Brewery. It is alright, but for what I paid for it, you could buy enough Qingdao you get yourself, all of your friends, and all of their friends completely shit-faced.

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