No Mao Zedong, You Cannot Have the JPA

October 8, 2009

Hola Friends:

You know, I have had my share of problems with the Communists.  Fundamentally, we disagree on a number of critical issues, and these are disagreements that will never be overcome.  They want to communize my many wives, concubines, female friends, and various sex workers so that the peasant hordes will not have to engage in “alternative sexual survival strategies” (that is to say, two peasant dudes doing each other in the butt, then sharing their only lice-infested padded cotton jacket while they cuddle on an unheated kang).  Sorry, not going to happen!  And so they plot to overthrow me, and I root out their spies and agents, executing them in an increasingly inventive manner.

But if Mao Zedong and his fellow Soviet running dogs hate me so much, why the fuck are they imitating me?  No, they have not given up their sleeping pills for fenjiu, I speak of what I saw during one of thier recent parades.  Don’t ask me what they were celebrating… maybe Jiang Qing got the lead in the CCP’s new Gone with the Wind production?  Anyway, take a look at  this:

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Call It A Comeback

October 5, 2009

A Message to the True Faithful:

Yes, it is true.  I am back online.  What can I say?  Some shit went down.  Jiang Jieshi has been all up in my bizness, despite the fact that even while he “fights” the dirty Japs he has been obsessing about some former Geisha ‘ho.  More on that to come, but let me just say that I mean Geisha ‘ho in a very respectful way.

Hell, there is a lot to come, as I am exiting the gates swinging.  I cannot let my erstwhile allies hog all the press.  I plan to get my handsome face back on Time magazine shortly, and soon after that put Zhongguo in check the same way that Shanxi is held down.  Check back on this space for updates galore, including the continuation of my much beloved countdown of China’s top ten dynasties.

In the meantime, let me leave you with this tidbit.  You can try to throw my ass out of the bar, out of town, or hell out of the god damn province, but you will not be throwing me out of power any time soon.

Yan Out.