You know, I have had my share of problems with the Communists. Fundamentally, we disagree on a number of critical issues, and these are disagreements that will never be overcome. They want to communize my many wives, concubines, female friends, and various sex workers so that the peasant hordes will not have to engage in “alternative sexual survival strategies” (that is to say, two peasant dudes doing each other in the butt, then sharing their only lice-infested padded cotton jacket while they cuddle on an unheated kang). Sorry, not going to happen! And so they plot to overthrow me, and I root out their spies and agents, executing them in an increasingly inventive manner.
But if Mao Zedong and his fellow Soviet running dogs hate me so much, why the fuck are they imitating me? No, they have not given up their sleeping pills for fenjiu, I speak of what I saw during one of thier recent parades. Don’t ask me what they were celebrating… maybe Jiang Qing got the lead in the CCP’s new Gone with the Wind production? Anyway, take a look at this:
And this one as well:
Now, bad enough that the CCP has shamelessly stolen my idea of an all female fighting force and created what can only be called a shanzhai JPA, but take a close look at those legs-those skirts are above the knee! Something tells me that it is just a matter of time before of of those pinkos suggests they follow my lead and outfit their female soldiers in hot pants. My guess is it will be Zhou Enlai, as that “cosmopolitan” crap journalists feed you is a code word for “sexual deviant.”
So I am here to lay down the gauntlet. There can be only one JPA, and it defends Shanxi (and, by extension, my fine ass). So commies, if you insist on slutting up your lady soldiers, the JPA will be all up in their business. And who wants that?