Things are rough here in the Yan Xishan camp. Two weeks back, after a night of heavy drinking, I was curled up on my kang, most thankful that the thick coal smoke that forms Taiyuan’s natural weather patterns was keeping the sun at bay. Just at that moment, my #6 wife asked me to let her visit her natal family, and in my still inebriated state, I allowed her to depart. If I was in my right mind, I never would have let her go. Not only do I rely on her for daily massages, ear cleanings, and sexual services, but her hometown is precariously close to the damn Jin-Cha-Ji base area. Before I even finished sobering up over my mid-day bowl of noodles and vinegar, the report came back–she had been communized! Yes, she had disappeared into the Red Zone. I imagine she must have at least four peasant husbands. What an abomination!